Food That Tastes Like Other Food

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Recently, Jones Soda announced a limited-edition poutine-flavored soft drink to be sold to our neighbors to the north.  The popular Canadian food poutine–which is french fries, covered in cheese curds, covered in gravy–is delicious, in case you’ve never tried it.  Poutine soda?  Sounds pretty gnarly.  Unfortunately, this product will only be available to adventurous Canadian eaters.  However, there are lots of companies that have done a similar feat in merging two food flavors.   Here are some greatest hits:

Turkey dinner Jones soda:   That’s right, people; I’ve eaten something very similar to the poutine soda.  An entire turkey dinner in soda form.  This limited-edition boxed set was released about 7 years ago, which contained five repellent flavors:  turkey, stuffing, pumpkin pie, cranberry, and Brussels sprouts.  Yeesh.  The worst offender?  Stuffing flavored soda.  It tasted like salt water, flavored with some dried herbs.  Even the cranberry and pumpkin pie flavors were gross.  The whole thing was a soda abomination.    D-

Doritos Locos tacos @ Taco Bell:  The latest fad in food-that-tastes-like-other-food, the Doritos Locos taco is a normal taco, with a nacho cheese or cool ranch Dorito shell.  I’ve tried both varieties, and I’m not as sold as others in the mass populous.  To me, the cheese flavor just tasted like an overly salted taco, and the cool ranch variety kinda got lost in the faux-meat flavor of the inner filling.  But not repellent.     Both varieties:  B

Root beer milk from Winder Dairy:  I recently discovered that at any moment, I could walk to my local grocery store and buy a jug of milk that tastes like root beer.   My mind was blown.  This stuff is delicious; it is reminiscent of the moment when the ice cream melts in your root beer float.  Refreshing, tasty, and strange.   A

French toast Goldfish cookies:   It wouldn’t surprise me to see crack listed as an ingredient in these little cookies. That’s how delicious and addicting they are.  This isn’t the only variety of Goldfish cookie that tastes like another food; they’ve also got vanilla cupcake and s’mores varieties.  But the french toast flavor is by far the best:  a strong maple flavor complements the graham cracker flavor of the cookie, and each fish is covered with a nice douse of sugar.  I have a serious problem with these cookies.  I may or may not have a few empty bags on the floor at my feet right this second…   A+

Bacon-flavored foods:  I’m not sure what exactly happened, but all the sudden, bacon has a cultural cache that has taken the food world by storm.  Pretty much anything can be bacon-flavored nowadays.  I’ve seen bacon-flavored popcorn, bacon chocolate, bacon candy, bacon-flavored drink syrups…  and most sound pretty disgusting.  The one I’ve tried is bacon salt–which doesn’t sound like such a horrible idea.  Perhaps the smokiness of bacon would be a nice addition to salt?  Think again.  This was slightly smoky, but mostly just tasted processed and weird.    C-

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